Lip Butter
by ninanna
Summary: Aomine reminisces about his past with Kise as he comes face to face with his worries and concerns at a truly unexpected place and time...


_(__**A/N:**__ A rambling more than anything else out of my recent quest to buy the perfect lip butter for myself and just how worrying it could potentially be for a young teenager athlete to realise how harsh the society can be and just how unrealistic expectations can be hurled on him...)_

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><p><em>"<em>_I love you Kise senpai!"_

Her voice was almost shaky and there was genuine anxiety on her face yet her eyes were looking at the eyes of the tall man facing her defiantly and courageously. She looked timid, sure, but she was in no way dishonest about her feelings, it seemed.

Aomine swallowed dryly.

He remembered long, long ago, how he had confessed to Kise or rather not confessed for he never actually uttered those very words until much later in their relationship. After Kise had declared his feelings, almost spontaneously after a one-on-one one late night, probably due to a very unexpected burst of feelings than anything else, and who could really know the actual catalyst anyway, Aomine had said nothing. Sure, he had been aware of this chemistry they had, of these invisible sparks that were very much noticeable to the heart if not to the eye, but he had never thought that he would be confessed like that; he had been simply bewildered. And unlike the girl who was looking expectantly to Kise now, with slightly wet yet strong eyes, Kise had been hit hard and in a fit of insecurity instead, to assert some sort of truth or strength to his words perhaps, or perhaps simply due to just how immature and ignorant brats they were then, he had leapt forward and kissed Aomine roughly. It was an attack. A chaste kiss. The sweetest and the most innocent attack Aomine had ever experienced in his life. Yet even then, even after his hands had reached and held Kise in place, even after his own lips and tongue had started to respond to the sweet aggression they were dealt with, he did not respond in words. How many months did it take for Aomine to actually declare his love for Kise after then? He honestly could not remember.

Kise cupped the cheek of the girl in front of him, a special tenderness was overflowing from his honey eyes.

_"__You are... so brave and honest... always. I... I have always been a coward."_

His words were a little shaky too and it fit; the words of a man hearing the words he wanted to say but was afraid to say for so long and hearing them unexpectedly in a park in the middle of winter... It was fitting.

_"__Mayumi... I love you. I love you too. I should have been the one to say it first."_

She was so small, so petite that Kise had to dip forward rather deep to just make their foreheads touch. A simple gesture of affection. It looked so sweet that it made Aomine sick. He literally felt sick in his stomach. The many times their foreheads touched, the many times Kise cupped his cheeks; had they every looked like this? Probably not. He remembered how he would often push Kise away whenever he acted overly attached in the streets. It was not that he did not enjoy them, the tender touches, but he could not help feeling something was wrong. Was there? Really? Why had he ever thought that? Perhaps, the reason was the very sight he saw in front of him right now: the petite cute girl being hugged lovingly and touched tenderly. That was the image he saw. Everywhere. All his life. Had he seen images of two man, of two rather large man, of two rather tall man, of two rather lanky man, of two rather muscular man touching their foreheads contently and holding each other sweetly, would he then perhaps feel any other way? Would he feel more comfortable about it then? He was not sure. But perhaps, perhaps he would. What he was sure was the longing that was fast filling his chest, tinted with envy.

Then Kise moved even closer to the small lady in front of him and their lips met. It was a delicate, poignant kiss; as lips grazed each other oh so gracefully their breaths mingled and danced very visibly in the cold air of December.

Aomine felt his heart sank into the bottomless ocean of jealousy. Truthfully, he was jealous. Truthfully, he had always been jealous. It was in his character. Yet of the many times he had been jealous of Kise, of other men, of other women, he had never outright said it. He had thought that this jealousy he felt was something to be rather ashamed of, that it did not fit him, that it was not "manly", that it was beneath him, and that it meant a lacking: what was he lacking that he felt Kise could ever, in any universe or time or place prefer somebody else over him? He would be jealous and then he would be grumpy at best or outright malicious at worst and Kise would ask, half jokingly half hopefully, "Oh Aominecchi, are you jealous perhaps?"

And he would snort. At best. At worst, he would yell. He would either make light of Kise's comment, pointing at its impossibility for really, with amazing Aomine was could jealousy every be a possibility, or he would bite off Kise's fragile hopes, pointing how ridiculous it was for Kise to think he was someone that Aomine could ever feel jealous over...

It was ugly. It was selfish. It was stupid. It was immature, the most. He could not help it. This feeling that if he had uttered honestly, just how jealous he was sometimes, just how insecure he felt now and then, he thought that could break but would he, really? And if he did, who would pick him up but Kise, anyway?

As Kise's lips separated from that of the woman, Aomine could clearly see how flushed their faces were and their lips... Slightly swollen and redder and wetter. Her lips were rosy and slightly gleaming; was it a legacy of the kiss? Aomine doubted. She was probably wearing gloss or lipstick on her lips, not that Aomine understood anything about make up but even he could see how delectable her lips looked.

How did Aomine's lips feel? They were mostly chapped and dry during winter. Aomine still remembered years ago, when they were still in high school, once Kise had bought him a small gift: a cutesy designed tiny box of lip butter. It had coconut aroma, Aomine could still remember the fruit's image etched onto the pretty little circular box. He had looked in surprise and irritation to Kise's face and gave it back with a snide comment of "Are you kidding me? Do I look like a girl to you?"

Kise had pouted, childishly and cheeky like always but a little hurt too, actually, truthfully hurt; "Why would it be girly?! You make too much of a fuss out of the smallest things!" he had yelled.

It was not that Aomine had particularly disliked the idea, it was not that he hated it despite how he later on mocked Kise's use of such cosmetics - if anything he liked the aroma of strawberries that always occupied Kise's soft lips. It was just that he was young; he was young and he was confused and he was uncertain. Where were they going with this thing they had with Kise? Did they have any future? These questions had occupied his mind at the time, now and then, and he had started feeling the burden of a relationship that he had finally realised, the world would not be very welcoming to. He had questioned everything relentlessly and mostly by himself and sure he kept his perfect indifference intact on his face but the turmoil ruled his mind and heart, especially in the last year of high school... What did it mean that he, despite his particular fondness of female breasts, felt the most content and secure when his head rested on Kise's very flat and definitely male chest? What did it mean that he, despite his rather large collection of gravure magazines even for a boy his age, adored the most how Kise smiled and laughed and moaned and sweated and cried and blushed? Questions of his very own self, "what" he was, and interrogations of his own masculinity followed and these were too complicated questions for him, for he had never ever spared a thought to matters like these and he had no idea how to deal with it all. And Kise... it seemed as though he did not care. It seemed as though Kise was content. It seemed as though Kise never asked these sort of questions and he was always perfectly confident in himself and what he felt and how to deal with what he felt.

Surely, Aomine was still far away from being an old man yet being an adult now, he smiled mockingly at his teenage worries; how natural they were, and also how stupid they were in that he had thought Kise had been perfectly in control and always certain. It was impossible, even for Kise, perhaps especially for Kise, for he had always been the most empathetic, the most sensitive of them all. Why had he not seen it then? Why had he hurt the person he loved the most then? Why had he not shared his own worries and concerns and insecurities with the person he cared the most? Wouldn't it be easier for both of them, if he had?

_"__Are you sure? Do you... do you not feel anything towards... 'that person' anymore? Kise senpai?"_

The young woman's voice was shy now and her eyes were beaming with both hope and a timid curiosity; it was obvious what she wanted to hear. Aomine felt blood hurry away from his hands and they felt incredibly cold. Kise smiled to her.

_"__That person... that person broke me. Again and again. So many times. But you... You brought me back to life. You brought joy back to my life."_

His arms were holding her tight now and she smiled; she smiled with an honest joy that was like an unfitting sunshine against the backdrop of the cold park, swallowed in white snow. He brought her head to his chest then and she buried her face, he combed her hair with his fingers, tenderly, slowly...

And Aomine wanted to rip them apart. Aomine wanted to rip her arms, those god damn arms that wrapped around Kise's sides like a pair of venomous and lustful snakes. The greenest envy flowed into Aomine's veins with passion and he could feel his face growing hotter with anger as his cold fingers curved to form fists of fury. He did not say anything. There was no need to say anything. He should not have been feeling like this... He should not have been this agitated at the sight this, not now. But he could not help. All the moments in the past where he refused those arms, where he refused those fingers, where he refused those lips came to his mind; and he was angry at himself, at this woman, at Kise, at the world...

It was not an anger that he would act upon. It was not an envy that he would act upon. No sane adult would. But it was important to acknowledge them. It was important to acknowledge them and understand...

_"__Cut!"_

The glottal voice of the director caused a sudden movement and rush towards the couple in the centre of the attention who were already separated their entangled limbs from each other.

It was important to acknowledge his feelings, his insecurities, his questions, and understand just how much he loved this man, just how precious he was to him... So that he could learn to cope, so that he could learn to be confident, so that he could learn to love Kise the way he deserved to be loved.

"Aaah Aominecchi! I am so so so sorry! We were not initially supposed to film this scene today too! I never knew about it when I invited you over to the set... I really just wanted you to see me in my best. But... not like this. I hope you did not mind? Let's hurry to the van. Director said we'll wrap up now so I should get changed and then we should be good to go in like half an hour, at most. Aominecchi?"

Aomine blinked a few times at the sight of his lover's slightly flushed face and coherent but hysterically fast pace of words. His hand then reach towards that pretty, pretty face, almost out of instinct, his fingertips slowly and softly wiped the full lips of the blond.

"A-Aominecchi!" he could only utter as his eyes grew large in surprise and his cheeks donned a crimson red, a slight murmuring around them had started and Kise was already giving apologetic glances around, hoping that nobody thought the gesture was weird; too intimate or meaningful for a pair of "room mates and best friends". Only.

Aomine did not move an inch but only smiled, silently too which only further exacerbated Kise's shock so he ended up dragging his dark skinned and equally tall lover towards the van where he was to change.

"Honestly... You should be more careful. You were the one saying that you coming over could make people curious... Really... Touching me like that so tenderly in front of everyone... And people will think you are my jealous boyfriend..."

Kise complained in a small voice as they moved; Aomine's cold wrist was getting warmer at the strong grip of Kise's warm hand.

"But I am your jealous boyfriend..." Aomine murmured then, in such a small and soft voice that only Kise heard and sure he could not see Kise's face as there was at least a step of distance between them but he knew, he was sure the blond smiled.

And Aomine thought that perhaps they could drop by a cosmetics shop on their way home and he could buy some lip butter for himself.


End file.
